willsicott:

tuxedoandex:

ugly:

What do you call the security guards outside Samsung shops?

what

Guardians of the Galaxy

I’ve discovered there’s a lot you can do inside haunted houses.

fictionalfeather:

For example, you can:

  • be in a shampoo commercial

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  • start a boy band:

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  • spot some choice booty:

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  • break into song:

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  • see some people in frankly offensive outfits:

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  • attend a metal show:

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  • listen to some sick jams:

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  • discover zombieism:

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  • sample some tasty snacks:

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  • watch someone get burned bad:

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  • find something you really like:

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  • find something you really, really like:

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  • find something you REALLY REALLY LIKE:

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  • and wonder if you left the stove on:

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frenchinhalechanelxoxo:

yess my whole life yo

supernatural-tardis:

i had a crush on this guy and i decided to pull a Pavlov on him by offering him whenever i saw him  this brand of candy he seemed to really like and after a while whenever he saw me he got excited for a second then you could see his expression shift to wondering the why the hell was he so happy to see me and i swear it was the evilest thing but also the most hilarious i made a guy like me by conditioning him into associating me to a candy he liked

dominateeye:

berrystumpytail:

glassbottledemon:

infinityrant:

glassbottledemon:

glassbottledemon:

I JUST CUT MY HAND ON MY OWN BRA WTF

AND I GOT A PAPERCUT FROM THE BANDAID PACKAGING?!?!

Next Time: glassbottledemon breaks their knee on a pillow and gets pneumonia from a soothing cup of tea

The worst part is that actually once I broke my arm by tripping on a pillow and another time I got pneumonia from sharing a water bottle with someone who had it. ;U;

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IM CHOKING ON MY OWN LAUGHTER

stuartsometimes:

I warned you

myonlyfrearofdeath:

This is like so simple but so cool…

P